Tuesday, October 6, 2015

4 Letters

(the sunset at my parent's house on 9.26.15)

Warning :: This is not a happy-go-lucky post. Ok, you've been warned. Are you sure you want to read on?

Four letter words I dislike ::
Dead
Gone 
Loss

My family has been through a lot in the last 2+ years. I can't seem to make sense of it.

In 2013 my youngest brother passed unexpectedly in a car accident. He was only 20.
At the same time, in 2013, my Dad was suffering from an idiopathic disease- pulmonary fibrosis (and he had been since 2008). His disease had progressed and he was on a lung transplant list. So, when I received a call at approximately 2:00 AM from my Mom, I had assumed it was to tell me there was a transplant match for my Dad. Wrong. So, very wrong. It was to inform me that my brother had died in a car accident. Died. How is that even possible? He was 20 years old and we were already going through so much... Yet, those were the facts. Tragedy.

In January of 2014, my Dad received a lung transplant. We knew what a blessing this was and were so very grateful. This must go well, it has to. We just lost Stephen. How much can one family take? The transplant went okay. At first. Then there were complications and situations that confused the doctors. It was a long journey, but after a month in a coma and extensive re-hab, my Dad was able to return home. Things went well for a few months- He got a Summer of freedom...then the rejection began. Long story short, a year and a half after my Dad's transplant, he passed.
September 27th, 2015. 2 years and (almost) 2 weeks after we lost my youngest brother.

Life isn't fair. It doesn't make sense. We all have bruises. These are mine.
Yet, we have to carry on. Find a new normal. Find a way to honor them and help others experiencing pain.

I'll end this post with a quote I heard on Grey's Anatomy that always resounds with me ::
We're all going to die.
We don't get much say over how or when, but we do get to decide how we're going to live.
So, do it. Decide. 
Is this the life you want to live?
Is this the person you want to love?
Is this the best you can be?
Can you be stronger? 
Kinder?
More Compassionate?
Decide.
Breathe in.
Breathe out, decide.

2 comments :

  1. Life can be so unfair. It amazes me every day how strong of a person you are. I will be there on every step of the way to finding a new normal.

    ReplyDelete

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